12.26.10

I certainly hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We had a great time with my parents and Morgan this weekend. We could have done without Harper's infection, and I think she would agree with me.
I know that with preemies you have to expect challenges, but this one hit me really hard. Really hard. We were riding on such a high and to have the rug pulled out from under us (on Christmas no less) was really tough to deal with. I think I have handled her previous challenges pretty well, but this one I have just fallen apart. Today was better than yesterday, so here's hoping that tomorrow is better than today...
Good news is she doesn't have RSV or Influenza A or B. Bad news is we don't know what she has. She is on the same antibiotics they had her on for the last infection and they gave her a blood transfusion today. They put one of her IV's in her scalp which really bothers me, but apparently it's the best place for her to have one because they have less nerve endings up there, still it bothers me. Her other IV is in her arm, they had the two because one was for blood and one was for the antibiotics. They increased her air flow to .5 and they have suspended feedings (so no gaining weight, darn it!) to help her save her energy to fight whatever she has.
They are going to probably do a procedure tomorrow where they take some spinal fluid out to check for meningitis, which scares the s*%$ out of me, but they obviously have to do it. They are growing blood and urine cultures, but they haven't revealed anything yet.
Because they still don't quite know what she has, she is on "Contact Isolation" which means we have to wear gowns and gloves when we are in her room. They don't want the nurses to pass whatever she has to their other babies, or for other visitors to bring in any additional bacteria. This was really hard to deal with. I have watched other parents have to do this over the past several weeks and I have always felt so bad for them because I knew their baby must be really sick, and now we are those parents with the sick baby. I know it is best for Harper, but I feel like she can't really feel her mommy and daddy's touch through the gloves. Oh, and then we didn't get to hold her at all yesterday (on Christmas!), so anyone who wants to complain that they haven't gotten to hold her yet, I really have no sympathy for you :) I'm joking. I know everyone wants to hold her. Who wouldn't, she's adorable! :)
I would probably have to say that this is the scariest thing we have dealt with, especially in the last several weeks. I have to try SO hard to remain positive, and my parents and Matt can attest to the fact that I have failed miserably at that most of the weekend. I did get to hold her today for a little bit, it was different because it was hard for her to get comfortable with an IV in her hand and in her head, and I missed getting to feel her soft skin (because of the gloves), but I got to hold her. Matt is a rock, like always, and my parents and Morgan have been trying very hard to pull me out of this funk. I know she needs me to be positive and be there for her more than ever, so I have to try and push through.
I know she will be okay.